shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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