And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just invented taco cereal.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize