I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
its liver damage thursday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
