ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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