so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
