I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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