he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
