btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
