She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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