the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thank you for not boning my boss.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
