theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize