Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
