i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
