im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
