It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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