Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
