I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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