So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
