WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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