that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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