I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
