Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How external is "for external use only"?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
