When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
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Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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