I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
