I faked an abortion last night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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