Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
