you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
