Cold hands, warm shart.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
