tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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