we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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