You're completely useless in the revolution.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
