I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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Do I have a choice?
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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