so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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