Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
