i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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