Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
