I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
