wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
