I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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