We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
