he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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