Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
