alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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