And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
