I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
