____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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