idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
