actually, I'm a sock model
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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