Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
