i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
