i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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