Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So many bounce houses so little time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
