so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
