I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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