I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
