maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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