So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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