i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize