We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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