Don't make out with my wife yet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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