If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize