He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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