he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
