My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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