Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize