Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
