The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
